To be accepted

Fat…What is that?
Skinny…Who is that?

I heard a boy say “I like Filipinos && Asians cause they don’t get fat”
Are you serious right now? Why must you have to be skinny in this world to be accepted. It’s because of people like that that make you want to lose weight. That make you want to become anorexic. I have never been skinny and I will never be skinny. That being said according to a lot of peoples eyes. I will never be accepted because I don’t have this image that I being a women have to portray.  I will never be accepted because I’m the one who does my hair, and I don’t dress up..

I hear a lot of people say “she’s manly”
Really? are you serious right now? Because I choose to do things on my own. Because I am an aggressive person..Because I can handle my own I have to be manly? Because I show guys I don’t take shit from them I have to be manly. I have a lot of guys say “I’m scared of you” whether your kidding or not I will assure you that you should be. I have never been afraid of fighting a guy. Yes he stronger than me, yes he will most likely murder me but I WILL NEVER bow down to a fucking man!  So you can say I’m feminist. Maybe I am. and Maybe I will always be but I can’t see myself depending on a guy to get me where I want to go. But let me make this clear. Because I am feminist does not mean I’m gay. Understand that

I hate being the one people talk about. “She’s scary” Well fuck you be scared than! Don’t approach me in the wrong way you will have nothing to be scared of. Because I’m a woman men EXPECT me to bow down to them. FUCK THAT! I will never bow down to a man and I don’t expect him to bow down to me. We are humans we should be equal but were not because being Women we tend to be “weak”. And I can strongly say I am not! I will never consider myself weak!

People will never forget how you make them feel. Yeah I act like I don’t care but I do. Watch what you say around them. Fuck Society. Fuck having to be skinny to be accepted in this damn world. Fuck having to be girly to be pretty to be accepted in this damn world. Fuck having to be weak to be accepted in this damn world. Fuck all that. I’m me and I’m not skinny. I have big thighs, I have an ass, I have boobs, I’m broad because I’m muscular, I have rolls on my stomach. FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THAT’S NOT BEAUTIFUL! I WAS CREATED DIFFERENTLY ACCEPT THAT!

Dear Tumblr

I have left you behind and realized I’ve came across many times where I could have wrote to my public diary. But I didn’t. There’s so much I could tell you but I just lost myself at words where I don’t know what to write. That is all for now

independent

if you cant love me for who i am.
tough, rude, rough, violent.
than you cant handle me.
I’m not changing for no one.
And if I find the one worth changing for
than there is a possibility.
But I will always respect myself
and by that means you better respect me too.
because the day you choose to disrespect me
is the day you wont hear the end of it.

I was asked why I was so independent.
honestly, i don’t know
my answer would be I can’t depend on anyone, so i must depend on myself.
Everyone I came across left, moved on, or forgot.
So I live on a day basis if you there you there
if you not than you not.
You must crack an egg to get to the soft part.
My outer level is tough, hard, rude, with an i dont care attitude.
If you crack me correctly, and yes an egg because its easy.
You might be satisfied to finally see me break.

Yes, I have a trust issue.
My past has made me who I become.
If you can’t understand that, you won’t understand me.
You won’t understand why I’m the way I am.
You won’t understand why I get mad at the simplest things.

I just don’t know How to Love

Stressed OUT

Ive never felt so over whelmed with myself. I feel like I can’t do it, but another side tells me I can. I will, and I will overcome this frustration. Ive talked to counselors, teachers, family, even people I barely talk to and they all told me different things. Either I can do it. Or I’m crazy for not balancing my schedule to make an easy class cancel out with a hard class. My English teacher told me I had by far the best essay paper she read and part of me wants to say YES! but a part of me wants to be like so what.! I have no clue what to do and I have two days too decide whether I want to keep going or just give up and take two classes and be done with. Ive never been so stressed from school before. I even started to cry! ugh I have no clue what to do!.